Why do couples keep having the same argument?
Because you are not having an argument. You are running a loop — and the subject of it is almost irrelevant.
5 August 2026
Read the blogBlog
Writing on people, and why we do what we do.
Longer pieces on relationships, leadership, emotional intelligence and human behaviour. No listicles, no motivational filler — just the things I keep noticing in the coaching room.
What to do when your partner refuses couples counselling
The refusal is rarely indifference. It is almost always fear of a specific thing — and which thing it is changes what you should do next.
22 July 2026
Read the blogHow to communicate with an emotionally withdrawn spouse
Withdrawal is almost never an absence of feeling. It is usually somebody managing too much of it, badly.
8 July 2026
Read the blogRelationship coaching vs marriage counselling: what’s the difference?
The distinction matters, and it is not about which one is more serious. It is about the direction of travel.
24 June 2026
Read the blogCan relationship coaching work if only one partner attends?
Yes — and not as a consolation prize. A relationship is a system, and systems respond when one part of them changes.
10 June 2026
Read the blogHow to rebuild communication after years of conflict
You are not starting from zero. You are starting from below zero — and the way back is smaller and more boring than most couples expect.
27 May 2026
Read the blogCoach it, before you drop it…
We are used to seeking coaches for academics or for sport. But when it comes to our relationships, many of us feel we have to battle it all alone.
17 December 2024
Read the blogTaking charge of your communication!!
We are communicating all the time, with everyone around us. The question is whether we are in charge of it or merely subject to it.
28 April 2023
Read the blogChoice
Everybody makes the best choice available to them at the time they make it. Sit with that sentence for a moment, because it changes almost everything.
28 April 2022
Read the blogEmpathy starts with yourself!!
Empathy is the ability to get into other people's shoes and understand their feelings. Most of the people who struggle with it are not cold. They are exhausted.
22 September 2017
Read the blogMen don’t ask for help!!
It is one of the most reliable patterns I see. And it is not, as it is usually framed, about ego.
22 September 2017
Read the blogMonday Blues!!
The knot arrives on Sunday evening, and it is telling you something more specific than you think.
22 September 2017
Read the blogOnly Grey Matters!!
We want certainty. We want to know whether the thing is good or bad, whether the person is right or wrong. The appetite is understandable and it is expensive.
22 September 2017
Read the blogSelf Image
Most people are walking around with a picture of themselves that was taken a very long time ago.
22 September 2017
Read the blogMid-Life Crisis
Not a crisis, usually. More often a slow arrival of irrelevance, which is harder to talk about because nothing is visibly wrong.
22 September 2017
Read the blogHow coaching actually works
People often ask me what exactly I do in coaching. Am I an expert in all areas of life, providing solutions to everybody's problems?
22 September 2017
Read the blogYear End Resolutions
The problem with the resolution is not willpower. It is that you designed it in an emotional state you will not be in again for another twelve months.
22 September 2017
Read the blogThe Sunday Note
One idea a week on relationships, leadership and human behaviour.
No motivational filler. One observation from the coaching room, one question to sit with, and one thing to try before Friday. Unsubscribe whenever you like.
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