Recommended
Nonviolent Communication
Marshall B. Rosenberg
If you only ever read one book about how to say a difficult thing, this. Its central move — separating observation from evaluation — is in almost every session I run.
Books
What I have written, and what I keep handing to clients.
Global Gender Intelligence, written with Dr John Gray — and the six books I return to most often, and actually recommend rather than list.
Out now
Global Gender Intelligence
The Science of Success in Business, Love and Life
Written with Dr John Gray — whose Mars-Venus work has shaped how millions of couples understand each other — and his certified Mars Venus Coaches. The book brings that framework into an Indian context, and out of the living room into the workplace.
Men and women frequently differ in how they think, communicate, respond to stress and make decisions. The argument of the book is that these differences are a collaborative strength rather than an obstacle, once they are understood rather than assumed away.
Written for couples and parents, and equally for leaders and organisations building genuinely inclusive cultures. Practical throughout: what to do about the miscommunication, not simply what to call it.
Next
The way you relate is the way you lead.
A second book is in progress — about the single pattern I keep finding on both sides of the same person: the habits that decide a marriage and the habits that decide a leadership team, and why almost nobody works on them together.
Drawn from two decades in organisations and the years since in the coaching room. Anonymised throughout, with permission where it is not.
The shelf
Six books I actually recommend.
Not an affiliate list. These are the ones I find myself naming in sessions, and why.
Recommended
Hold Me Tight
Dr Sue Johnson
The clearest account I know of what is actually happening underneath a recurring argument between two people who love each other.
Recommended
Thinking, Fast and Slow
Daniel Kahneman
Not a relationship book, and one of the most useful ones. Understanding how confidently wrong our fast judgements are changes how you hold a disagreement.
Recommended
The Body Keeps the Score
Bessel van der Kolk
For anyone whose past is more present than they would like. Also the book that most often tells a coaching client that what they need is clinical care.
Recommended
Difficult Conversations
Stone, Patton & Heen
The Harvard negotiation project applied to the conversation you are avoiding. I recommend it to almost every leader I coach.
Recommended
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Dr John Gottman
Decades of actual observational research rather than opinion. The section on repair attempts is worth the book on its own.
Next step
Ready to start a different kind of conversation?
A 30-minute discovery call, no charge and no pitch. We look at what is actually going on, and you decide whether coaching is the right next step.